Homemade Ketchup

(c) 2012 by Tom King

If you ever wanted to try making your own homemade ketchup (or catsup if you'd druther) without all those alphabetical ingredients in it, here's a recipe that lets you lose the vinegar and the polysorbate idunnowhatnheckizzinhere. 

Best of all there's no cooking involved unless you want to make a really big batch and put it up in Mason Jars for the winter. You can make this with fresh garden tomatoes by peeling, seeding and whizzing up your tomatoes into a sauce and using the fresh sauce seasoned or unseasoned. The ketchup is pretty well seasoned already.

Pour into a mixing bowl the following:

• 2 cups tomato sauce
• 2 ½ tsp salt
• 2 ¼ tsp onion powder
• ¼ tsp cumin
• ¼ tsp oregano
• ½ tsp paprika
• ¼ tsp garlic powder
• ½  tsp soy sauce (to make it healthier use 1 tsp Braggs Liquid Aminos)
• 3 tbsp pineapple juice
• 4 tbsp lemon juice
• 8 tbsp honey

Mix it all up, pour it into jars and store in the refrigerator. You can use the water bath canning process to seal the catchup in Mason Jars if you're making a large batch and want it to last a while. Just make sure to follow directions.  The jars full of ketchup should be boiled without lids for 5 minutes at seal level to 3000 feet, 10 minutes from 3000 to 6000, 15 minutes from 6000 to 8000 and 20 minutes at 800 to 10,000 feet.  Any higher than that and you probably shouldn't be boiling stuff and using up the oxygen.

Championship Game Snacks - The Secret to Homemade Corn Dogs

(c) 2012 by Tom King

There are all sorts of recipes out there for corn dogs, but most are for a family-sized event and most require far more ingredients than you really want to fool with. Here's the dead easiest way to make enough corn dogs for a Superbowl, World Series or Final Four. A word of warning. You want to position the Fry Daddy where you can see the TV. The guys will keep you busy. I personally can eat 10 or 20 all by myself.


Here's what you need:

1. Box of corn dog skewers – keep an eye out for these in the grocery store. They can be hard to find. I special order mine online in boxes of 1000. In a pinch you can have the guys write their names on their skewers and reuse them (just don't let your wife see or she'll throw out the half gallon of oil left in the fryer after you're done).
2. All the wieners you can eat - this recipe makes even vege-weenies tast great!
3. 1 box of “complete” (add water only) pancake mix
4. 1 Box Corn Meal Muffin Mix
5. Mixing bowl
6. Wire Whisk
7. Large Fry Daddy
8. Gallon bottle of Canola Oil (healthier - you can tell your wife you made them with mono-unsaturated oil.)
9. Paper towels, lots of paper towels
10. Metal tongs (do not grab the wooden stick after they cook. It's liable to be surprisingly hot)
11. Bags of chips
12. Paper plates
13. Napkins
14. Ketchup, may, mustard (my group likes to dip 'em in queso)

Fill the Fry Daddy about 3/4 full - enough to cover the entire wiener.  Plug it in and let the oil heat up while you make the batter.

The Batter
In a big mixing bowl, dump a regular size box of pancake mix and 1 box of corn meal muffin mix. Pour in water and whisk it up till the batter is smooth and not too thick, not too thin.

Wiener Prep
Wiener preparation is the secret to delicious homemade hot dogs. You have to thoroughly dry off the wieners. I use paper towels myself. Wet wieners prevent the batter from adhering to the dog long enough to cook.

Cooking
Skewer the dried wieners on the corn dog sticks. Dip them into the batter bowl and make sure they are thoroughly coated with batter. Lift them from the batter one at a time, letting the excess batter run off.  Set each dog gently into the Fry Daddy. Put them in one at a time and allow the outside to cook enough so that the next dog you put in won't stick to the first one.  I hold them by the stick for about 10 to 15 seconds to allow the batter to skin over.  I like to put them in from right to left so I know that the one on the right is always the one ready to come out soonest.  Let them cook till they are golden brown.  Don't let them get too dark or they'll taste burnt.


Serving Corn Dogs
When the dogs are ready, I just put them out on a big serving plate next to a couple of open bags of chips and a stack of paper plates. I set out bowls to put the ketchup, mayo and mustard in rather than letting the guys dip straight out of the jars. That way, I don't have to throw away half a jar of mayo because my wife says, "I'm throwing that out. Every one of them had their hands in the jar and did you see any of them wash their hands once???" It just costs less to put it out in bowls. That way if someone dips his weenie in the mustard, you don't lose the whole jar.

I'm just sayin'

Tom King  

Uncle Tom's Homemade Puyallup Style Barbecue Sauce

 Some rights reserved by thebittenword.com

I ran out of KC Masterpiece the other day after my wife had put in her order for barbecued chicken. I already had the chicken in the oven, so I ran upstairs, jumped on the Internet and found some interesting looking recipes. Unfortunately, I didn't have all the right ingredients.

So, typical man, I decide to wing it. I call this Puyallup Style Barbecue Sauce so that people in Kansas City or St. Louis won't be offended. This barbecue sauce is my own invention. Try this at your own risk. I take no responsibility if you try it and think your chicken is ruined.

It takes about 10 minutes to mix up and maybe 15 minutes to cook. This makes about two cups of a nice tangy barbecue sauce. 

Ingredients:

• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 tablespoon garlic powder
• 1 cup ketchup
• 1/4+ cup water
• 1/8 to 1/4 cup vinegar
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1 tablespoons paprika
• 1 tablespoon Cajun seasoning
• 1 tablespoon grape jelly

Directions:
Put 3 tablespoon olive oil in a little pot on medium-high heat.  Add the garlic powder. Stir just a bit till the garlic powder starts turning brown. Add the brown sugar, vinegar and ketchup. I like Delmonte, but I used Hunts for this time out because you can get it in bulk at Cosco. Add the rest of the seasonings and reduce the heat to medium.

I adjust the recipe to taste. I like a little less vinegar and a little more ketchup. The original recipe called for 2 tablespoons paprika, but I cut it in half because the Cajun seasoning has paprika in it. The Cajun seasoning has chili powder and cayenne.  The Cajun seasoning can be increased to make the sauce hotter. My bunch likes a milder barbecue flavor, but you can add more Cajun seasoning or a touch of plain cayenne if you like it hot. I'm not sure who came up with the grape jelly, but I transmigrated it from another recipe and it got rave reviews, so I ain't messin' with the magic.

Simmer the sauce for 15 minutes until it thickens.  If it's too thick, just add a bit more water to get it to the thickness you like.

I poured the rest into an empty KC Masterpiece bottle and stuck it in the fridge. I think I'll make some more to keep on hand.  I like it with vegetarian chicken too.

Enjoy.

Tom

King Ranch Chicken - Regular & Vegetarian Versions

Tex-Mex at its best…

Great holiday or potluck dish!

I had trouble finding this recipe in our cookbooks after the move. I've taken on the role of regular chef in our newly blended household and decided to make some things I like, since I have kitchen duty. One of the advantages of being the family cook is that you get to make things you like and if anybody complains, you can just whip off your apron and hand it to them. You'd be surprised how few takers you get. One of the disadvantages, of course, is you have to clean up afterward, but if you're a good enough cook, the womenfolk feel guilty and will clean up for you. Secretly, even women, who are completely fed up with cooking, feel proprietary about "their" kitchens and will never fully relinquish control to a mere man. I, apparently, have never fully mastered the art of proper dish cleaning and putting things away where they belong. The ladies throw me out of the kitchen in frustration ever once in a while, make a fabulous meal to show me who's boss and do a really thorough and proper cleanup.

Boy do I ever learn my lesson when they do that!

King Ranch Chicken is a fantastic chicken dish, not too spicy the way we make it, but with plenty of Tex-Mex flavor. It's named after the famous King Ranch in south Texas which takes up an entire county south of Corpus Christi and upon which the movie "Giant" was based.  My wife reconstructed this dish for me the other day from memory. Her version is wonderful and she walked me through the preparation. It was all kind of delicious.  Wish you could have been there. 

Since you weren’t, I’m going to tell you how it was made so you can make it yourself and give your family a real treat.  This is one of those dishes, guys, that you can make one of your specialties on nights you’ve got kitchen duty. Plenty of manly chopping and dicing to preserve your image and if you make it, your wife can’t skimp on the cheese.

Tools:

Cutting board

Sharp knife

Large casserole dish or baking pan

Electric skillet

Ingredients:

• 4 large chicken breasts or 2 boxes of Morningstar Farms Vegetarian Chicken Patties or 2 cans of Loma Linda or Worthington brand vegetarian chicken
• 2 cans mushroom soup
• 1 can Rotel ™ tomatoes and green chilies (mild to hot – your choice)
• 8 oz. Shredded cheddar cheese
• ¼ block Velveeta ™ cheese, diced small
• Small onion – chopped
• Bell pepper – chopped
• Small jar of jalapeno slices
• 15 corn tortillas
• Sour cream
• Small can sliced black olives (optional)
• Olive oil

Preparation:

1. Boil or cook the chicken in the microwave, drain it and dice into small cubes. If making the vegetarian version, simply dice the vege-chicken pieces into small cubes.
2. Sautee the chopped onion and bell pepper in a little oil in the electric skillet. I prefer olive oil because it’s a healthier fat, but any oil will do.  Dice up a few jalapeno slices and toss them into the oil.  I only put a palmful of small pieces into this recipe - enough to lightly flavor it without adding a lot of heat or a nasty surprise for those with tender tongues.
3. When the onion, jalapeno and bell pepper are done, pour in the 2 cans of soup and the can of Rotel ™. Any tomatoes and green chilies will do. I like the mild Rotel for the sake of the children.  Otherwise this dish can get a bit fiery. 
4. Stir in the chicken pieces and heat the mixture till it begins to bubble. Then turn off the skillet.
5. Chop the tortillas into strips.
6. Lay down a layer of tortilla strips in the bottom of the casserole dish.
7. Spread a layer of diced Velveeta ™ evenly over the tortillas about an inch or two apart, then cover with a layer of soup/chicken/veggies mix – not too thick.  You can sprinkle on a layer of black olives if you want them at this point.
8. Repeat one more time with tortillas, Velveeta, chicken mix and olives (optional).
9. Sprinkle grated cheddar cheese over the top to give it a finished look and because I like a lot of cheese.  You can also add a few optional jalapenos and black olives to make it pretty. Spread out the jalapenos so the wimpy people with tender tongues can find them easily and pick them off.
10. Cover the casserole dish and bake in the oven at 350 degrees till the cheese on top is thoroughly melted and the whole thing begins to bubble at the sides.  Turn off the oven and let it set there till you have the rest of the meal set out.

Presentation:

A couple of dollops of sour cream on this after you take it out makes a really tasty garnish with maybe a little sprinkling of cilantro.  This dish goes really well with a nice green salad, Ranch dressing and a few tortilla chip strips for garnish, iced tea and a big bowl of sweet corn.  You don’t need a bread with this because of the tortillas in the casserole.  This recipe serves about six people or four typical Texans. I like to bring out the Fiesta-ware to serve this meal on because anytime you make King Ranch casserole, it's a Fiesta!. If you don't have any Fiesta-ware, I highly recommend you scoot by Marshall Pottery in Marshall, Texas and get you some plates and saucers and stuff that are just like the original Fiesta-ware my grandmother used to serve us meals on when I was a kid. King Ranch casserole just screams for those colorful Fiesta-ware plates.

The other nice thing about this recipe is that it's easy to stretch - very forgiving of variations in ingredients. You can add more chicken and veggies, another can of soup or more cheese to stretch it out for a family gathering or potluck at church. You're really going to like this Texas treat.

Tom King - 2011

Here's my version!

Georgeburgers!

(c) 2011 by Tom King

This recipe is the long kept, secret recipe that made Mrs. George the top vege-burger maker for some 50 years in my hometown. Keene, Texas is an Adventist College Town and everybody there was either a vegetarian or semi-vegetarian. Vegeburgers were to Adventist kids, what Big Macs were to everybody else. I used to save up two or three days' paper route money to buy one of these imminently delicious things at the grill at Blair's Store across from the college. Mrs. George made them by hand and, man, those things were good. When Blair's closed, Mrs. George went on to work at the Railhead and other cafes and burger joints around Keene. She never gave away her recipe, till she told it to Melba Bruce, March 09, 2004 as she sat in Mrs. George's living room. Thanks to Stanley Bruce who collected a copy of the recipe and shared it on Facebook, bless him. - Tom King

At last - the secret is revealed:

Ingredients

1.One 16 oz can Loma Linda Vegeburger
2.Three eggs
3.Two medium sized onions finely grated
4.One tablespoon garlic powder
5.One teaspoon sage
6.Salt to taste
7.½ cup quick oats
8.Flour
9.Oil

Instructions:

1.Open vegeburger, add to mixing bowl with grated onion, eggs, garlic powder, sage and salt and stir.
2.Add half cup of oats
3.If the mixture is still too thin, add a little flour. The vegeburger mix should not be runny nor should it be too dry and thick.
4. Fry the patties in a small anount of oil. Never bake them.

Making the Actual Burger:

1. Heat the buns in the oven or on the grill
2. Add still sizzling patty and pile on the fixings.
3. Eat while making soft sounds like “Ooooooh” and “Aaaaaah” and “Mmmmmmmmm”

Flapjack Secrets

The Secret to Practically Perfect In Every Way Pancakes

(It's not what you think....)

The Secret to Practically Perfect in Every Way Pancakes is not the recipe for some reason. I searched and searched and found dozens and dozens self-proclaimed “perfect” recipes for pancakes out there. Most of them make a pretty good flapjack. I suspect you could probably fling the basic ingredients willy nilly at a bowl and hope for the best and you could make it come out right - as long as you cook them properly. So here’s a couple of simple good recipes to work from.  Others may be just as good.


CANADIAN PANCAKES:

Dry Ingredients:
1 cup all-purpose flour (King Arthur cause I like knights and swords)
1 tablespoon baking powder (Clabber Girl – also a great name if you can still find it at your grocer)

Wet Ingredients:
1 cup milk
3 egg yolks, 3 egg whites (they kind of come in the same package)


AMERICAN PANCAKES:

Wet Ingredients:
1 cup flour (Gladiola – cause it sounds springy)
1 tsp. baking powder (any kind - Americans aren’t picky about basic cooking chemicals)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda (apparently we also like a little extra fizz in our flapjacks)
1/4 teaspoons salt (and a little salt)
1 tablespoons sugar (and pouring syrup on it never makes it sweet enough)

Dry Ingredients:
1 1/2 c. buttermilk
2 tbs. melted butter
1 egg

As near as I can tell Canadians like their hotcakes simpler and less tasty. I think they use real butter and maple syrup though, which may be why they go for a blander formula

How to Mix it Up:

(Secret Alert #1) Mix all the dry stuff in a glass bowl. Don’t ask me why, but all the great cooks mix pancakes in a glass bowl.

(Secret Alert #2) Separate the egg yolks from the egg whites and beat the egg whites until they make stiff peaks.

Mix the rest of the wet ingredients like milk, buttermilk and egg yolk until smooth. Pour wet stuff sans egg whites into dry stuff. (Secret Alert #3) Fold about a third of the stiff egg whites into the batter. Now, quickly fold in the rest of the egg whites. Beat hard till no egg white streaks are left and the lumps just disappear. The batter should be light, but not runny, so that it lightly falls off the spoon.

(Secret Alert #4) Let the batter sit for no less than 20 minutes. Some say 1 to 3 hours standing time is supposed to be even better, though I do not know why. Perhaps the delicate balance between ptomaine poisoning and not ptomaine poisoning that you get from leaving something with raw egg in it out on the counter for a long period of time is what provides the flavor. Kind of like hanging a dead goose by the neck till the head falls off to age the meat. I don’t get it, but I’m assured this really works. Something about the flour absorbing the wet ingredients fully or the starch swelling so the air bubbles pop and strengthen the structure of the pancake. Since this means you have to get up 3 hours before breakfast to make the pancake batter, I never do it and always have thick greasy crispy edged, mis-shapen pancakes with holes all in them (which by the way, that’s how I like them). But we’re talking about perfect pancakes, not fattening, delicious greasy griddle cakes the way I like them.

Cooking:
It is axiomatic that the first pancake is for the dog. That makes me a St. Bernard, because my favorite pancake of the batch is always the ugly, too thick, crispy, greasy edged first one off the grill. To prepare the grill do this:

Lightly oil the griddle or frying pan over medium high heat (whatever that is). Some cooks just lightly brush the griddle with butter. On my electric skillet I set the temp somewhere between 375 and 400 degrees depending on the oil. (Secret Alert #5) You want it to just start to smoke before dumping the batter - brown smoke not blue smoke.

(Secret Alert #6) Use a small soup ladle to pour the batter onto the grill. If you make them all the same size you can get yourself into a rhythm while cooking them so you don’t over or undercook. Go for a light colden brown. Don’t let them linger on the grill.
Serving:

(Super Secret Alert #7) Two words – “peanut butter”. Pancake connosieurs are frequently appalled at this suggestion, but for my family, peanut butter on your pancakes is a family tradition. I’m just sayin’. Take it or leave it, but you’ll be missing something. Real butter and maple syrup are the supposed ideal toppings, but you can dump fruit compote (whatever that is) on there if you want or lots of other sweet things. When I was growing up and we ran out of syrup, I would use apple butter (which is cheaper than jelly). Grape jam is also good on pancakes with margarine and a little PB. For syrups, I like Blackburn syrup because it’s made near my East Texas home in Jefferson, Texas and it’s comparable in cost to the store brands and it comes in great big bottles so you don’t run out so quick. Besides, I like to support local industry. There’s something morally wrong about syrup being made in China or Mexico.

Warning:
If you are the cook, do not expect to enjoy your pancakes with the family. By the time you finish enough for everyone, the ones on the bottom will be cold. Just serve everybody straight off the griddle, one at a time so they are piled up at the peak of perfection. I put that ugly first one or two pancakes on a plate by the griddle, add syrup and peanut butter and margarine and eat it while I’m cooking the rest. For some reason, you always run out of customers about the same time you run out of batter and if you didn’t get yours first, you either have to mix a new batch for yourself (which my grandmother's invisible voice in my head says is just wrong) or skip breakfast altogether.

It would be sad if you had to skip it!

Tom